next

The American D.ream

God Bless America. God bless its lovely, flag worshipping, gun-toting, rootin' tootin', land of the free. The 'I heart NY' clad, cheeseburger quaffing glamour pusses. The dreamers, creamers, internet-memers, Justin Biebers; consumers, pet-groomers, baby boomers.

Being fairly normal British lads immersed in the mundane, we're interested in American culture; hypnotically drawn to the pearly white false smiles and endless streams of commercial glamour. We can't wait to spend our hard earned cash on the sugariest candy, fill our chubby bodies with illegal E- numbers, artificial flavours and squeezy cheese. Our wannabe idols oil their bodies, HD their eyebrows, fill their lips and perfect their tan-lines. The 'American Dream' has become an aspirational life-goal for not only Americans but for every other bog standard Westerner - Dan Bilzerian WANTS YOU, and we've been conscripted.

Welcome to a world where we surround ourselves with fake-luxury and fake-tits - just make sure you're on the guest list. Stand to attention (impotence won't be tolerated) as we pledge allegiance to the flag of the American D.ream. After all, we're only (sort-of) human.